Stop Sucking Phaneuf 2.0

Ever since Dion Phanuef got reconstructive facial surgery, cut off some of his femur so he would be shorter, and changed his first and last name to Ian White, he has been sucking more than usual. This prolonged stunt has been going on for 8 months now, and the only way you can tell Dion Phanuef 1.0 to 2.0 is because he still wears the number 3.

Forgetting about his stats or +/- and the fact that he doesn’t fight or deliver crushing hits anymore (I can forgive that because of the smaller frame) I thought he would be faster but most of the time this season, I have just seen him getting burnt by Jordan Eberle.

Calgary and Edmonton have already played three of their six match ups, and Jordan Eberle has scored two goals. One highlight reel and the other sparked the massive three goal comeback that Calgary barely pulled through. BOTH goals were around Phaneuf v.2, and when watching the game all you ever see is Eberle dancing around Phaneuf (White) like a little bitch and getting an amazing scoring chance. This might be excusable since Phaneuf is just getting paid 3 million a year now but I swear if he gets beaten by Eberle another time this year I’m gonna force Darryl to trade him to Toronto.

-Hal

Thought on the Phaneuf Trade

This trade works out well for the Flames. Phaneuf was overpaid for the numbers he was putting up. They were paying him just as much as Iggy. When Sutter signed him it was his best season. He was even nominated for the norris trophy. But Phaneuf was always overated because he played in Calgary. The media built him up to be the next Chris Pronger way too prematurely. This year he wasn't even good enough to make the cut to Team Canada.

-n return the Flames get Hagman. He has put up 20 goals so far in Toronto which is a pretty amazing feat considering how bad they have played. Hagman will put more pressure on Jokinen to step up because god knows dawes and langkow are not doing that.

Overall its a good trade for the Flames. It frees up such much needed salary cap. It definitely isn't a sign that the flames are throwing the towel in for the season. Rather that they are picking up the slack.

Rick the Ripper and a Peak into Kipper's Role as Mentor for Dion Phaneuf

Rick (the Ripper) Rypien is probably the most injured person in professional sports... even worse than Erik Johnson. For the past three years he has missed the majority of the season. last year he had a bad groin injury. this year he had a hernia and an undisclosed viral infection (I'm thinking its the same infection that gaborik gave demitra... the gift that keeps on giving).

But Rick the Rippper is having a spectacular season so far. In his 6 shots on goal this season, Rick the Ripper has 2 goals, both goals coming against the flames during the back to back matchup at the start of the season. Ripper has a lot of heart. His dad is a boxer and despite the Ripper's small size he is willing to fight some tough opponents... which explains why he gets injured so often.

This is a fight he had last night with sheldon brookbank. hockey fights dot com has 90% of people saying rypien won and 2% of people saying brookbank won. take that ducks fans.



In other more startling news, it seems that kipper's obsession with strippers and cigarettes is slowly starting to rub off on phaneuf. this photo was taken at the calgary strip club 'the french maid'. If you consider that phaneuf and kipper have been the two biggest underperformers of the season for the flames, maybe their battle with a nicotene addiction can explain their recent faltering.



hopefully keenan buckles down and gets these guys back on the right track. For all the children readers of the BOWC, we would just like to say that we endorse strippers, strip clubs and strip poker, as long as there is no cigarettes involved. Going to the strip club is a much better way to look cool than smoking.

-hark