Saturday, July 17, 2010

10 ways to improve the NHL - Hal Style

Everyone knows that the NHL Allstar game is boring. The highlight of the skills competition is Alex Ovechkin dressing up in funny costumes, which goes to show the lack of entertainment value. To be fair however, all All-Star games are boring. I couldn't even imagine watching an NFL or Baseball one.

Here are 10 ways to improve the NHL-Allstar Game

1) Get rid of the shitty players voted in by idiot fans
Sure, fan voting is part of allstar events, but when players like Mike Komisarek make the team, you know something went wrong. A committee of Hal, Harc, and Hosh will filter the shitty players that have been voted in

2)Have goalie shootout on players
Reverse the rolls a little bit in the skills competition and have Kiprusoft, Poouongo, and 2009-2010 NHL version of Nabokov take a series of shots against Crosby, Ovechkin, and Kolvachuk. How could this NOT be TV dynamite?

3)Get rid of lame competitions like fastest skater and add in awesome ones
For example: Four players from the East and West each take turns shooting at a pump target at each of the four corners of the net (4 shots each). The pumps are attached to balloons and whichever team gets all four balloons to pop first, wins. How awesome would that be?!?!?! You are lying to yourself if you think you WOULDN"T watch that.
Another idea is to have hardest hitter competition. Set up a dummy along the boards loaded with sensors and have players skate in and check him. That'd be fucking awesome and you know it.

4) Someone (Ovechkin) has to do a shootout shot blindfolded

5) NHL vs. Joes
Pros vs. Joes is a sweet show. However, they can only get criminals (Michael Vick), over the hill athletes(Donovan McNabb), or retired stars (everyone else). Why don't we have a live Pros vs. Joes where all the Pros are in their prime! It could only be for one period, with the Joes being randomly selected people who entered their name in the contest. For ever goal the Joes score, their entire team wins prizes. For ever goal the NHL scores, $10,000 bucks gets donated to charity. How could this NOT work? Actually I don't think an NHL player has ever been on Pros vs. Joes, so this idea makes it doubly awesome. Hell, I'd rather watch this for 90 minutes than the lame allstar game

6)Harc's idea - Put in AHL and Minor league goaltenders for the shootout skills competition
This is definitely the best option so they could actually score on the sick dekes that they pull off

7) A coach needs to organize the Flying V during the game

8)Have Cabbie interview all the players the night before and play all the interviews throughout breaks/tv time outs/intermissions of the game

This would get the crowd laughing and going and realize that NHL players are regular joes that will actually have fun with a reporter

9) Split up the All-star game

So the NHL game will be divided into these 3 periods:
1st period - NHL vs. Joes (see reason 5 for why this would be awesome)
2nd period - NHL players playing a different sport (alternates each year). THis would be sweet cause it's fun watching athletes doing something out of their element. You can't tell me you wouldn't stay tuned to see a 5 on 5 basketball game with Iginla, Nash, H.Sedin, Datsyuk, Heatley vs. Kolvachuk, Crosby, Ovechkin, Chara, Stamkos. IT'd be awesome! Although everyone knows an Iginla, Nigel Dawes, Anson Carter, George Larque, and Wayne Simmonds team would just dominate everyone
3rd period - Have the actual game. It's not very intense, so 20 minutes of action will be good enough

10) Have fire works after the game ... because ... who doesn't like fire works?


1 comment:

  1. Genius, except keep the fastest skater comp. We need to know who we can count on to beat those icings.