Monday, April 27, 2009

Who's to blame?

The Flames are out in the first round yet again, and we all want to start pointing fingers; we want people to be held accountable. Well here's the top five people or groups of people who fucked this season up for us.

5. Peirre Maguire: I had to listen to this retard for every single playoff game. How the fuck can the Flames win with this idiot calling their games? And it's not just the viewers who have to listen to his bullshit, he's standing next to the Flames bench for every single game, so they have to listen to him in person! Fuck, I actually wish CBC was covering the Flames.

4. The Chicago Blackhawks: They played well, what can I say. Fuck them.

3. The Flames players: They were just too inconsistent near the end of the season and into the playoffs. They were all so consistently great around January and February and then as soon as March hit it all went to shit. I know a lot of things did not go well for the Flames at the end of the season, but they should have been able to find a way to hold on to 3rd place. Then they would have beaten St. Louis and we'd already be talking about the second round. But really, our star players in particular were too inconsistent, usually having a couple good games, and then a couple (or more) bad games. As a result we usually only had one or two of our top offensive players playing well each night. It's tough to win in the playoffs like that, even against shitty St. Louis.

2. Nikolai Khabibulin: Possibly the second greatest Flames killer in history, second only to the next guy in this list. I'm not going to look up his record against the Flames, but suffice to say it is some ridiculously large number of wins followed by an unbelievably miniscule number of losses, with maybe some ties thrown in there for the hell of it. Fuck you Khabibulin, fuck you in the bum.

1. God: Or Chuck Norris if you're not religious, this deuchebag has been against the Flames since 2004. And it's not just that he wants us to lose, he wants us to suffer. In 2004 he let us think we were going to win a cup, hell we actually DID win a cup, and then he stole it away from us in the last few minutes of Game 6 against Tampa. Each year since, he has enjoyed our suffering in the first round, getting his sick rocks off to it. And this year, he decided to fuck with our heads yet again. He let us build a dominant team, with what looked like an easy Northwest Division title, followed by an easy first round. Then he stuck our nuts in a vice and started twisting. We had a ridiculous number of injuries late in the season, to a whole bunch of key players. And every time you thought it looked like we were starting to get healthy, god decided to smite a bunch more of our key players. Regehr, Aucoin, Phanuef, and Giordano all got injured late in the season and in playoffs. Hell, Sarich has been great, but when he's your number one defenseman you're in trouble. On forward, we had just as many key injuries, to guys like Langkow, Bourque, and Moss late in the year. Throw in a bunch of posts and near goals for the Flames and a bunch of crazy bounces for Chicago, along with way more bullshit penalties for the Flames than Blackhawks, and God was really giving it to us in every opening. Fuck you God, fuck you right in your big, gaping, syphilitic vagina. Twice.

Honourable mention to Rich Preston, the Flames' powerplay coach. I think his record speaks for itself.

Also honourable mention to Hal: the curse continues...



  1. don't kid yourself. god didnt take away your cup in 2004. you guys won that cup!