If Only Blind Arrogance Could Win Cups

Toronto seems to be taking the George W. Bush path to success in their recent acquisitions. Unflinching belief in your own competence despite years of evidence to the contrary can get you far in life, as W. has shown. In hiring Brian Burke and Ron Wilson this year, Toronto has enough blind, unwarranted arrogance to match the blind faith its fans seem to have each year that their team won’t completely suck. Look at what Ron Wilson said after losing early in the playoffs AGAIN last year, despite having such an incredibly talented team. "You look at my record, it's second to none, literally, in the sport, so I'm not even worried about that," Wilson said. "I don't think there has to be too many things changed about our team. We're ready to roll next year, too. We've accomplished more since I've been here than any other team in the league except win the Stanley Cup. That's the next thing we check off on our list." Ya apparently the only thing that had to be changed in your team was you, you self-absorbed jackass; now that you’re gone the Sharks are the top team in the NHL. Let’s see how great your record is after four years in Toronto, tool. And don’t even get me started on how overconfident Brian Burke is. All Toronto has left to do is get Burke to stand on an aircraft carrier with a tin foil Stanley Cup and a big “Mission Accomplished” banner and the illusion will be complete.

Now, you may be saying, oh wow, someone who hates the Leafs, that’s original. Well, my sarcastic reader, what makes me different is that I actually used to like the Leafs. Now, before you stop reading, let me explain. I used to like the Leafs back when they had the legendary hockey player, Tie Domi. Tie Domi managed to bang Belinda Stronach, the hottest piece of ass in all of Canadian politics, despite the fact that he had a head like one of the aliens in Mars Attacks!. Tie Domi is a Canadian hero. Once he left the team, however, I gradually understood how awful Toronto is as a team, and as an organization, from top to bottom.

So anyways, I would like to congratulate Toronto on their new strategy, which is remarkably similar to their old strategy. Looks like they can expect at least another 40 years without a Stanley Cup the way things are going, but that won’t stop them from declaring themselves the victor at the beginning of all 40 of those seasons. Mission Accomplished.

-Hosh