Friday, February 22, 2008

Movies - NHL continued

Minnesota Wild - Brokeback Mountain

The late Heath Ledger rose to stardom (as well as an Oscar Nomination for best lead Actor) in the infamous movie, Brokeback Mountain. Him and Jaky G (Jake Gylenhaal ... spelling?) were two Cowboys that had to fake heterosexuality their whole lives, keeping it secret from everyone around them; their friends, their family ... no one could ever accept gay cowboys. As I come to think about it, I think the two main causes of Ledger's unfortunate passing was either Christian Bale killed him, or he was so angry that every time he walked the streets people would shout 'Hey look! It's the fag from Brokeback Mountain!!" I'm not gonna lie, that would be unnerving for anybody. The Minnesota Wild's two leading scorers: Marion Gaborik and Pavol Demitra are the Slovakian versions of Jaky G and Heath. Both very talented but having groins made out of glass. It seems that whenever Gaborik is out with a 'groin' injury, Demitra is as well, which have caused many raised eyebrows. Conincdence? I think not. Injured groin from too much bum sex. They're secret to hide their gay love for each other has the league stirring in controversy. I am onto their trail of lies, who knows how the NHL would react to two homosexual teammates.

(Marion Gaborik #1, Pavol Demitra #3)

Colorado Avalanche - Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom
This storied franchise is a model to any NHL team. Stanley Cup champions, good fanbase, always consistently competitive, they even almost squeaked into the post season with the worst team they had constructed in a decade. Well, not bad, just really young. Indiana Jones and The Raiders of the Lost Ark was defined by the Roy era, where they won both their stanely Cups and were one of the most dominate teams in the league. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade was between 2001 - 2006 and is known as the Burnaby Joe Era. Although not as good as the Roy Era (likewise not as good as Raiders of the Lost Ark) It held its own and the Avalanche were always a genuine threat in the playoffs.

However, since 2006, The Jose Theodore Era has begun. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was a great movie. Steven Speilberg directed it, how could it not be at least 'above average', just like having Sakic on the team will make your team at least 'above average'. However, this talented young Avalanche team have one of the worst goalie combinations in the league. Peter Budaj and Jose 'Balding" Theodore. THey are equivalent to the Kate Capshaw of Temple of DOom. Both destroying their respective team/movie.

Jose Theodore's save percentage: 28/44 in the league
Peter Budaj's save percentage: 33/44 in the league

How are you going to win with that combination? How is the Temple of Doom going to be absolutely amazing with Kate Capshow screaming her annoying head off and only in the movie because Speilberg is cum facialing her? I have no idea. Their redeeming qualities however, is the young and immensley talented Paul Statsny, averaging a point per game his first two years in the league. The saving grace for Temple of Doom? Short Round, the lovably Chinese boy shouting "Mr. Jones, Mr. Jones!!"

Once they remove those sloppy goalies, Colorado's future seems bright. Who will be their Shia Labeouf of Kingdom of Crystal Skulls? Only time will tell ...

No comments:

Post a Comment