I'm taking a portion of my busy day sleep-playing through the Nashville Predators to write a special blog post for my good friends at BoWC.
I know there have been some thing said around the internet and rumor mills, and I thought I would clear it up once and for all.
1) I am worth every penny that Vancouver is paying me.
A lot of Vancouver fans, bless their hearts, have defended me to the grave. 10 years with a cap hit of under 7 millions is such a great deal! I mean, I'm almost half as good as Pekke Rinne, Tim Thomas and a 43 year old Dwayne Roloson. At least I'm better than Howard and Scheidner ... but don't tell anyone they are making 1/10000th the amount that I do.
2) I don't like pasta
Um ... helllo, my name is Roberto Luongo.
3) I helped Canada win a gold in 2010
I've got to be honest here. I didn't help Canada win the gold. I pretty much did everything I could to fail them - giving off huge rebounds, looking shaky as all hell - thank goodness that Brodeur was on acid and somehow was even worse than me. I mean, I was so bad that the shakiest part of our team was the goaltending (normally a Canadian strongsuit).
So to be fair to our Canadian Team and to give credit where credit is due, I did not help Canada win the gold. No, I just didn't lose it for them. You see, playing behind the best players in the world is hard to mess up, even for me. When you got J.Toews, Rick Nash, and M.Richards as your 4th line checkers ... I think you have a pretty deep forward group. When your worst defenseman was a grey-beard future hall of famer Scott Neidameyer ... I think you have pretty good depth on your blueline.
Thank Goodness Crosby scored when he did because I was pissing myself and shaking the entire overtime. They were almost scoring at me from little wristers at the top of the face off circle.
4) I don't choke
A lot of nicknames have been floating around like LuoChoke and Bobby Poo - but most have been defended by my great worshipers - I mean fans.
But let's face it, I've been outplayed by some rookie from Chicago and vastly outplayed by Pekke Rinne which we would've swept 8-0 in a 4 game series if not for me. I just have to stand there and hope that the Preds are too stupid and incompetent enough not to just throw anything on net at me ... cause everyone knows I love giving up goals with 5 minutes left in the 3rd.
At least my teammates have so little confidence in me it has raised their games (minus the Twins) so I have to do as little as possible.
Last game, NHL.com credited the shots as 7 shots in the second period! It's a good thing they call dump ins that hit me shots, or else my save % would be low low low!!!!
5) Bobby Poo
People are confused at my nickname - Bobby Poo. What's it mean?
It mean's I'm a piece of shit, duh.